


The Remote of Doom

by Artistically_irken



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Frotting, Gay, Gaz is a bitch in this fanfic, Gir - Freeform, Grinding, Hate fucking, Headcanon, Invader Zim nsfw, Irken, Irken anatomy, Irken smut, Love Confessions, M/M, NSFW, One-Shot, Porn With Plot, Sexual Content, Smut, Smut one-shot, Tentacle, This is a super long one shot lmao, ZaDr, ZaDr Week, ZaDr nsfw, ZaDr smut, Zim and Dib’s first time, Zim has healing saliva, Zim is a defect, Zim’s mission was a fake, gaz - Freeform, invader zim - Freeform, invader zim smut, wholesome smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:35:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24686992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artistically_irken/pseuds/Artistically_irken
Summary: When Dib steals a remote from Zim to Expose him, the Irken becomes furious. This device was extremely important to him, and he was going to use any means necessary to get it back. If that meant making Dib melt underneath his touch, then so be it.
Relationships: Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 130





	The Remote of Doom

"You filthy human, give that back!" Zim yelled as his ocular implants focused on the raven haired teen sprinting away from him. In his hand, was some sort of invention Zim had created. It was flat and rectangular, similar to a remote, having numerous buttons in all different shapes, colors and sizes. Dib thought to himself as to what purpose this device served. Was it something that controlled his voot runner, or was it a detonation remote? God only knows what this device could do. 

"Never in a million years!! I can use this to prove you're an alien, whatever this thing is!" The human snapped as he ran away, hiding the contraption in a pocket of his long, black trench coat.

The alien in disguise chased him down the hallways of their run-down school in hopes to retrieve what was his. He attempted to corner him, but paused when the bell rang, signaling their dismissal. Many kids began filling the hallways. In his victory, Dib laughed. Finally, he could go home and take apart the invention to pick away at it's technology. Maybe he could find its real purpose, and hopefully, stop it from whatever it was gonna do. He stood proudly, now holding the item in his hand and waving it in front of Zim's face teasingly. The alien made a low sound, similar to a growl, his pupils constricted. 

"Return it to Zim, you wretched pig smelly!" He yelled, using his gloved fingers to snatch it, but became even more furious when Dib raised his arm, keeping it out of Zim's reach. God damn he hated being short. 

"Not with that bitchy attitude I won't" Dib teased. 

"Fine.. Please" The alien looked up with pleading eyes. 

"Please what?" He questioned, the tone of his voice sarcastic. 

"...Please give that back" Zim pleaded, hopeful that his words would make the human return his device. He rarely asked for things nicely.

"Okay" The human grinned sadistically, lowering his arm so it was within Zim's reach. Before the Irken could take it from Dib's hands, the teen bolted, running in the opposite direction. The large amount of hormone-infested students continued to fill the halls, giving Dib a chance to blend in with the crowd and escape. The alien's gloved hand dug into his leggings out of rage, thankfully not hard enough to rip the fabric. If he didn't wear the gloves however, that would be a different story. 

"Oh you little-you get back here Dib-stink!" Zim called out as he sprinted towards the human, who was getting difficult to find. The Irken hated it when Dib used his height to his advantage. Longer legs meant faster running speed, and taller bodies could reach things from up high, unlike Zim. The least he could do was fit in tight spaces, but that wasn't a benefit to him in his current situation. 

His anxiety began to spike when he lost sight of the raven haired teen, now knowing that he could be anywhere in the school. That invention was extremely important for him to get it back. It may seem like an ordinary remote, but it was actually a device that controlled Gir's wild acts. He couldn't remember how many times he'd arrived at his base to a disastrous scene-glass would be shattered all over the floor, robotic arms were torn about, and the furniture would be absolutely shredded. It was as if every week, the defective SIR unit was causing mayhem, and Zim had to purchase new furniture all the time. He had to do something about it, so he constructed a remote, with dozens upon dozens of controls that would send little electronic impulses to Gir's memory drive, immediately pulling him out of his behavior. The controls could be set to any intensity, so if some days were worse than others, Zim could induce a mode specifically for improving focus. It was similar to an adhd pill for people, but was administered electronically. With human medication, the pills would increase dopamine levels in the brain, therefore causing an effect where it allows the person to be able to concentrate better and complete work in a timely manner. He brought his invention with him to school just in case if Gir was to ever appear, he could use it to calm him down. 

The fact that this was a necessity to keep Gir's commotion at bay took a toll on the Irken. It was a reminder that his "SIR unit" was in fact a defective model, just like he was, like he always was. His mission to Earth, was nothing but a game to his Tallests. A horrible, twisted game. In Operation Impending Doom II, he was sent on a "secret mission" to Earth. Zim's plan was to invade, conquer, and prepare the planet for the Armada's arrival. He wanted to sit there in his voot cruiser and watch as the giant ball of rock was gloriously destroyed. Yeah he was egotistical and selfish, but he was ambitious, always working diligently to achieve his goals. Gir had been assembled with the poorest parts around and had a defective chip, so he was prone to becoming erratic. He had found this out when Red and Purple forgot to end the transmission and bitched about how he was sent on his mission to die with his trash robot, and that they did this to get rid of him. He was a defective member amongst Irken society. 

Normal Irkens were precise in their work and had no emotions or sexual feelings, both of which Zim experienced. Hours upon hours were spent sobbing on the floor of his base, Gir there to comfort him, though he didn’t know what was wrong. Of course, Zim didn't tell any of this to the Dib-human. He was half of the problem, always causing butterflies in Zim's squiddlyspooch and lately, making him want to mate. Dib was the only being that somewhat cared about him, besides Gir of course, so he pretended that his mission was still active and put on an Oscar-winning performance each and every day. He didn't want to fuck things up with someone that at least acknowledged him, and was somewhat friends with him. When he wasn't partaking in his "evil plans", Zim was sneaking into Dib's house at night to watch movies and talk about aliens. 

Gir was like a little brother to him. Yes, very annoying and loud, but brought happiness in his miserable life. The SIR unit kept him sane. 

All of this went through Zim's mind while chasing Dib, filling his head with negative thoughts. He had to get that remote back, and fast, before Dib tinkered with it and caused irreparable effects. It wasn't just to help Gir, but also help Zim, almost like a chain reaction. As long as the sir unit acted defective, it would remind the alien that he was just as bad as Gir. This remote was for the both of them in a sense. 

Scanning the area for any sign of the human, he continued pacing around the hallways, anxiously menuvering around the students. To his dismay, Dib was nowhere in sight. Perhaps he had fled to his house? Just to be sure, Zim checked to see if he was at his locker, since everyone stored their belongings in there. 

Nope, he wasn't there. Now confirming that Dib wasn't in the school and was probably on his way home, the Irken raced to the Membrane household. 

———————————————————

"What the fuck is that thing?" Gaz asked while holding the object in her hand. 

"I don't know, I'm just as confused as you are. Maybe it's some sort of remote to detonate a radioactive bomb or something? Zim made a couple of those before high school" Dib responded, raising an eyebrow. 

"Well, whatever you do, don't you DARE tinker with it. I don't want it to set off something. Just give it back to your boyfriend or whatever" Gaz smirked at her brother, who cringed at the thought of possibly being in a relationship with Zim. 

"Zim's NOT my boyfriend, Jesus!!!" Dib yelled, snatching the remote from his sister's hand. She just rolled her eyes. 

"Yeah right, like I'm gonna believe that. You've been going after him ever since you were in middle school, dip-shit. You practically stalk him and have been obsessing over him for years, plus, you've been hanging out with him lately, and talk about him all the fucking time. If that doesn't say that you're together, then I don't know what will" She snapped back, taking out her game slave II from her bag resting next to her. 

"We formed a truce-"

"Shut the fuck up" Gaz interrupted. "I've already wasted precious time to play my games by hearing your bullshit between you and Zim. I have better things to do" Gaz gave Dib one last glare before directing her focus on her game, now ignoring her brother's presence. Sighing, the human walked upstairs into his room, setting nothing but the device on his large desk, which held multiple findings on Zim. Any photo evidence, inventions, and recordings of the Irken were held in these drawers, hopefully to be revealed to the world at a later time. He hadn't figured out a way to send the proof to the authorities, since they'd blocked his calls years ago. Apparently because they considered him "crazy" and "insane" plus, both boys were currently having a truce, so neither one could do anything that could incriminate the other, although Dib had said he’d expose him anyway. 

Looking at the remote set in front of him, he began his observations. It appeared to have different buttons, varying in size, color and shape. Underneath each button, were minuscule writing that was illegible. It certainly didn't seem to look like English, or any known language for that matter. It then occurred to Dib that this was Irken writing. During their encounters and fights, there were moments when Zim would utter words in another language, a series of clicks and vibrations emitting from his throat. Probably because he was either so enraged, or didn't want Dib to hear any horrible insults. Personally the human found it quite neat, and to be honest, he wanted to learn more about Irken’s language and their biology. How did their organs work? Were they similar to a human's, or different? How did their antennas work? Were they like an insects, where they're used to feel, smell, and taste? How did they reproduce? Was it selected breeding, or cloning?

With each theory and question, his desire to find out intensified. For now, he had to lay low, since Zim was most likely searching for him. Before taking anything apart, he took out a notebook to document Zim's experiment. 

———————————————————————————

Zooming down the sidewalk like a car on a racetrack, the alien in disguise bolted towards Dib's house, eager to get his remote back. 

"That stupid Dib-human! How dare he steal something so valuable from Zim! That pathetic pig doesn't even know who he's messing with" Zim mumbled to himself as he ran, his chest heaving in and out. 

Once arrived at the Membrane household, the Irken scanned the property for any signs of his invention. There was always a possibility that the Dib dropped it before arriving home, since he had lazily placed it in the rather short pocket of his trench coat.

Nope, nothing there. 

Huffing, he stomped to the doorstep, knocking loudly on the hazelnut door. He would've broke in through Dib's window, but the last time that happened, he accidentally shattered the glass and blew his cover, so he'd have to get inside the normal way. For a few moments, no one answered, but was soon greeted by a female in goth clothing with soft purple hair. He wanted to get his remote control back as soon as possible, so he needed to make this quick. 

"Ah yes, hello Dib-sister-"

"It's Gaz, you stupid fuck. What do you want?" She interrupted, her posture slouched and her hands in the pockets of her ripped jeans. Zim groaned in response.

"Whatever, GAZ. Zim needs to retrieve-"

"The remote, right?" She chuckled, interrupting him once more. That seemed to earn another groan from the Irken. "What is it even for? Don't tell me that it's for a vibrator-" 

"Eh? Ew, no!!! It's for my foolish robot, Gir! My invention keeps him from going feral. Without it, he becomes reckless, and your inferior human brother stole it from me!" Zim shouted, becoming even more furious when Gaz didn't respond. "Zim demands you to move aside so I can get what's mine!!"

Rolling her eyes at his unnecessary yelling, she stepped aside, granting him permission into the house. "Jesus, do you ever stop screaming? Listen, I don't care about you or your garbage robot, but Dib went upstairs with it, so its gonna get destroyed if you don't hurry. His room is the last door on the right" She sighed, eager to get back to her game playing, hoping the house would be quiet, but she knew it was going to be anything but that. Anytime Zim and Dib argued, it always ended up with loud yelling and angry screams, sometimes even getting physical. 

With that, Zim raced up the stairs, using his pak legs to increase his speed. Like Gaz said, his room was the last door on the right. There was no doubt this room was his. Posters and notes about paranormal findings were strayed about, taped lazily on the door. 

———————————————————————————

Dib, currently finishing up his notes and small blueprints on the exterior of the device, flinched when a loud banging sound was heard from outside his door. He heard a high pitched voice yelling at him. That voice was all too familiar. 

"God damnit" He exhaled, swiftly closing his notebook and held the remote in his hand, heading towards the door. If he didn't open it now, then Zim would surely break the door down, and he didn't want to get in a fight with his dad again. The alien had done it before, and blamed it on Dib. Opening the door, he was greeted by a gloved fist to his face, knocking him to the floor. The remote flew out of his hand, landing a few meters away from them. "Ughh.. what the fuck, Zim?!" Dib shouted, holding a hand to his nose, which was dripping blood. Jesus this hurt. 

"YOU STUPID VILE HUMAN! How dare you take something so valuable from Zim!" The Irken growled, his nonexistent eyebrows furrowing with anger. Dib attempted to get back on his feet and recover from the hit, but stopped as he saw Zim glance at his invention behind him. Dib quickly turned around to crawl and retrieve it, but was pushed to the floor by the alien's leather boot, restraining him. He yelled, anger in his voice, and used every bit of muscle to escape. Thankfully, Zim's small body did little to keep him down, and as quickly as he was on the floor, he was back up on his feet, grabbing the remote. 

"How is this stupid thing valuable to you?! Is it gonna blow up the Earth or something?!" He spat, backing away from the Irken, whose pak legs were slowly emerging from his pak in a menacing way. 

"It's to control Gir's erratic behavior, it's not going to end the world, Dib human! Now give it back! Im unable to control him, this is the only thing that keeps him from causing mayhem! Zim doesn't want to go to his base without it!"

"Huh, I thought you were an Irken that specialized in world domination and control! And you can't even control a stupid robot?! Jesus, and you say I'm pathetic?" Dib retorted, watching as Zim got increasingly angry. 

"Says the species who hasn't even traveled outside of their solar system yet" He scoffed. "Zim is no smeet.. I am a trained invader, a soldier!" He shouted, even though he wasn’t an Invader. If he were being honest, Dib’s words struck him hard, causing a sinking feeling in his squiddlyspooch. Yes, Dib had no clue that he was defective and so was Gir, but hearing those words escape the human's mouth hit him with dread. He wasn’t pathetic...

What did the humans call it? Oh yes.. Depressed. That's what the Dib was making him feel right now. Anger began boiling, threatening to spill over. The Irken slowly took off his gloves and threw them on the floor with force, focusing on the humans face. Claws now exposed to the air and dangerous, he started walking towards Dib at a slow pace, ready to attack. 

He had to get that remote back, he just had to. This was more than just a device that controlled Gir, it was about hiding the fact that he was defective. It's the only thing that made the alien feel somewhat normal, even though he stood out more than anyone else on this planet. No corrupted Gir, no obvious signs of defectiveness. He was gonna do whatever means necessary to get it back. If that meant hurting Dib, then so be it. 

Dib was caught off guard when the alien launched at him, three claws meeting his face, cutting into shallow skin. Dib hissed in pain, feeling warm blood ooze and drip down his face. Dib threw a fist at Zim in defense, clenching his teeth while he attempted to fight off the alien on top of him. The push barely saved him time and within a second or two, Zim was above him. In the process, the Irken's wig fell off, his antennas popping up before being pinned to the back of his head, a sign he was angry. Zim pushed him down to the floor with vigor, claws making way to his face and threatening to break skin again. The human recoiled, kicking in the air repeatedly in an attempt to get free. Zim crouched over his body, pinning his arms to the floor. He used his pak legs as additional help, since the human had more muscle than he did. Bringing his face close to Dib's, he gave a final warning. 

"Give it back. Now." Zim growled in a low voice, sending shivers down Dib's spine. It was weird having anyone that close to him, especially the Irken. Not to mention the position he was in. If Gaz were to walk in right now, she would assume all of this fighting was some sort of foreplay. In that moment, he felt three things at once. Fear, anger, and somewhat aroused.

"N-never" the human smirked, snickering when Zim became increasingly impatient. 

"Oh really? I bet Zim can make you give it back"

"Bet you cant" Dib challenged, watching as the alien thought for a moment before speaking, his emotion and personality changing completely. His face grew into a venomous sneer.

Uh oh. 

"Oh, but I can" The Irken cooed. He lifted one of his hands away from Dib's arm, trailing his sharp, long claw down the other's chest. Dib's breath hitched, the Irken's small body now straddling his waist, dangerously close to his groin. The human let out a shaky breath, his body increasing in warmth and arousal. "Zim might be small, but he knows exactly how to get what he wants" He whispered in Dib's ear, his lavender eyes looking downwards at the growing erection in his jeans before looking back up, his eyes half lidded. Zim couldn't help but feel the same way. Aroused, having the desire to mate. He liked being in control of Dib, it had always been this way between the two of them. One going after the other, like a game of cat and mouse, and that turned him on more than anything.. Control. 

Dib knew what that look was. He knew that look meant he was going to do... something.

"Oh you bastard" 

He hated the fact that all it took to turn him on was being pinned to the ground and threatened, that it caused some carnal desire to spark inside of him. Biting his lip, the human began to break. 

"L-let me go" Dib stuttered, attempting to squirm his way out of his grasp. Zim only grabbed him harder, keeping him to the floor. His soft, thin antennas fell forward on the other's head and vibrated a little, taking in Dib's scent. He froze, allowing the alien to revel in his fragrance. Both hands grabbed at Dib's hair, which Zim had never understood the need for. Why did humans have so much body hair? Obviously for warmth, but he was still disgusted by it. With Dib's hair, however, was soft and silky. He loved the way his hair fell on the sides of his head, he loved the scythe-like shape at the top, hair gel not necessary to keep it upright. Almost like a natural cowlick. His thoughts wandered, but was soon interrupted by Dib letting out a very quiet moan, bringing him back to reality. The human could’ve moved at any point, yet, he didn’t. It just proved that he wanted something from him. Zim was quick to respond 

"You don't want me to let go, do you, filthy human? Zim can smell the mating hormones coming from you." The Irken licked his lips, his confidence high. Hands trailed downward. "You like me on top of you. You want me to touch you. I mean, who wouldn't? I am amazing!"

"N-no I don't- AH!~" Dib moaned out when he felt Zim begin grinding on him, an animalistic sound escaping his throat. The human couldn't help but buck his hips up, moving his arms downward so he could grab the aliens hips. Oh fuck, this felt amazing. They moved back and forth, back and forth, rubbing against each other to pleasure themselves. 

Dib couldn't feel anything phallic between the Irken's legs, which must've meant he wasn't unsheathed yet. While Zim continued to thrust against him, Dib cried out, blush spreading all over his face. He shouldn't allow Zim to do this to him to get his way, yet it felt so good. Soon enough, he felt the Irken's member push out of his slit, his pre cum and natural lubrication creating a wet spot in his leggings. Only two pieces of fabric were left between their hard members, desperately rubbing against each other for a pleasurable release. Neither wanted this to stop.

"Oh fuck.." Dib reacted by slamming his lips on Zim's, plunging his tongue in as if it were instinct. It was rather sloppy, and needy. Neither had much experience, say for their occasional make outs. Zim was a little surprised at first by Dib's tongue, but quickly responded, wrapping his serpentine tongue around the other's in an attempt to claim dominance. Dib moaned into the kiss, bringing his hands to Zim's face and cupping his cheeks, squishing them slightly. The skin felt so soft, with no blemishes or scars whatsoever. He would've thought that their fights caused some evidence of injury, but apparently not.

It was rare that Dib had an opportunity to be close to him like this, having only been close to him in a couple other encounters, most of them fights. But some, sexual. Usually they just grinded against each other, never going as far as penetration, though Dib had thought about it a few times. Rarely, they came, but it had happened once or twice before. Either way, it was embarrassing to the both of them, but also confusing. To do this with someone you’ve hated most of your life. As soon as the kiss started, they pulled away for air, resuming their thrusting against each other. The kiss had been quick, yet intimate. Both grunted as they felt that warmth deep inside them grow more intense, their orgasms approaching. The human did everything he could to not cream his jeans then and there, which had caused Zim to freak out last time. 

After a minute or so of excessive dry humping, Dib finally gave in, now wanting nothing but pure pleasure. He didn't care about the remote anymore, which was a few meters away from them, all he wanted was Zim. He needed that god damn alien NOW. Zim felt the same way, but he would never admit that, it would just prove to Dib that he was inferior. It was like all of their anger towards each other drained in that moment, their warm bodies filled with desire. 

"F-fine, take the.. ah, remote. Just.. oh god... Zim, please, just let me fuck you. I love you so much..." The human begged. Zim stopped his movements, lavender eyes widened at what Dib had just said. Love? Dib loved him, That was practically a death sentence on Irk...

‘Defective... useless... nobody..’ His mind told him.

"W-what?..." Zim murmured and pulled away from Dib's body, shivering from the loss of body heat. A small wet spot of pre-cum on the humans jeans proved that he hadn't been far from the edge. "P-please, Zim. I was so close, I-I need this.. I need you" Dib admitted, still thrusting his hips up slightly although the alien wasn't on top of him anymore. 

Zim's expression turned soft, considering Dib's pleas. Both were horny teenagers and usually grinded on top of each other in a spark of rage, which was how this originally started. But if they had full on sex now, that would change everything. It was new waters they would be treading, and that scared him. Of course he wanted to have Dib inside him, that's all he wanted right now, but if he allowed it, the Tallest might find out. Mating was treason, and the pak kept notes of any foreign object that entered the body, in case the host was doing something against Irk’s orders. 

Zim's eyes glowed multiple colors with lust and desire, and Dib's eyes did as well. It suddenly hit Zim like a truck. If they fucked, it would be an act of passion, love. Nothing would be as intimate as this. The closest two beings could ever be to one another. 

Zim continued to sit a few feet from the human, conflicted. His antennas made a series of vibrations, often a sign he was deep in thought. Dib could sense uneasiness radiating off of Zim. He didn't want to push anything further if the alien wasn't comfortable-sex was supposed to be pleasurable. Dib was expecting some rough push from Zim so they could continue their grinding, but found himself surprised when nothing happened. He picked up on the Irken's body language and realized that something was wrong. Dib scooted back and grabbed the remote, handing it to Zim gently. 

"Eh? Oh, uh.. thank you."

"Is something wrong?" Dib asked, hoping his question wouldn’t cause him to run away.

"It's.. just, I....." Defective. Defective. Defective. "We, we've never done this before. I’VE never done this before.. I..I..." Zim felt himself tear up. Was now the right time to confess about his mission? His rank? His life as a defect? His dreams that were based on one big joke? That this would be his first time? "I don't know, Dib.. can we just.. Eh.. Talk for a minute, before we do anything?"

The human nodded, patting a spot on the floor next to him and encouraging the Irken to sit. Zim did so, moving over. He sat uncomfortably near Dib, but left some space between them. 

"I'm sorry" The human mumbled, breaking the silence. 

"Why would the Dib be sorry?" 

"Cause I feel like I said something wrong" Said Dib, looking down. "You know, when I asked to fuck you.. And said I loved you. I'm... Sorry I said that, I went too far. It was just in the heat of the moment, I was just thinking what my body wanted. Fuck. I never even took it into consideration that we are enemies" 

Zim looked into his eyes with desperation. He wanted to admit to Dib everything he'd lied about, then and there. He wanted to lay in Dib's lap and cry about his traumatic he'd experienced during smeethood. He wanted to apologize to Dib for lying about his whole mission, but the feeling of being left by the only person that cared about him was overpowering. Maybe he could tell the human about being a defect, then tell the truth about his “invasion” later? Yeah, that's what he was going to do. 

Dib could see the slightest bit of the alien's berry colored eyes behind his contact lenses as he trembled, his corneas dilating and constricting. Zim finally spoke after what seemed like eternity. 

"You don't need to be sorry, Dib. I.. I want this too, but it's just.. I'm nervous. Mating is practically unheard of on Irk, and.. Zim is different than most Irkens."

Dib chuckled. "Of course you're different than most Irken's, Zim. You're dumb-" 

"YOU LIE! Zim is no dumb thing, Dib human!" The alien snapped. Dib rolled his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time today. 

"Do you.. want to talk about it? Why you're different?" He asked Zim in a calm tone.

"Z-Zim is different because I have emotions! Empathy, sexual feelings, all of those things are what a defective has" the Irken admitted.

Dib paused for a moment. "Wait, what's a defective?"

Zim took a few deep breaths before speaking. "Well, a defect is an Irken who is coded with a bad pak. Our paks are basically our brains. All of our information is stored in there, including our repressed emotions and suppressants for our sexual desires. I was born with some sort of defect in my pak, so everything is messed up. Zim doesn't have any of the suppressants, that means I have feelings and emotions like your filthy species does. Us Irkens also call it "going native", where you start adapting to the planet you're invading and your desires spike" Zim paused, almost waiting for Dib's understanding. He put his face in his hands, shaking. "Gir is defective as well, so there's not much that Zim can do to fix him. That's why I invented my remote.. Ugh... It's so shameful.. I don’t even know why I have it still, it’s not like it’s going to change how the Tallests feel about me.."

Dib put a hand on Zim's shoulder, looking at him in the eyes, guilt hitting him hard as he remembered how much of a dick he was to the Irken a few minutes earlier. "Zim, I'm so sorry. I.. I didn't know that was the reason why that remote was so important to you, I shouldn't have said those things to you..” Said the human, sincere. “You shouldn't feel ashamed for being defective. If I were you, I would be proud to be that way. Your society seems really fucked up, especially with the suppressed emotions, so being a defective sounds a lot better than being under full control of your leaders.. " Dib smiled. "I'm glad you told me, though," Zim just looked down at his leggings, still somewhat aroused. The human thought his words wouldn't have an effect on Zim due to his negative thoughts, but found himself surprised when a small smile began forming on his green face. 

Although it wasn't right that Dib had said some pretty shitty things to him earlier, Zim appreciated his apology. That was pretty unusual of him.

"Thanks, Dib human" Said Zim, scooting closer to Dib with a smile. He decided to bite the bullet and wrapped his arms around the human, bringing him to a comforting hug. It wasn't a romantic hug, but one that conveyed that he way truly grateful for Dib being there for him. He didn't reject Zim for being a defective, rather he embraced it. Zim was accepted for who he was.

"Don't mention it" The human smiled. "Again, I'm really sorry for stealing the remote. I was.. Kind of an asshole to you"

Zim didn't speak, but instead tilted Dib's chin up and met his lips once more, bringing him into a heated kiss. Dib didn't hesitate to moan into the kiss, quickly setting his hands on Zim's hips, drawing him in. One small thrust from the alien, and they were back into their routine. Zim allowed Dib to slowly pick him up and lay him on his bed, laying on top of the Irken. Without hesitation, they continued their movements, grinding on each other and breathing heavily. While Dib thrusted against him, Zim held him tight and bucked his hips up, creating that perfect friction again. They stared into each other's eyes, almost giving a message telepathically. 

‘I love his eyes’ Dib thought to himself, looking at Zim below him. With or without contacts, the alien was absolutely flawless.

With a quiet moan, Zim whispered "M-mate with Zim.. please.."

Dib gulped, his eyes wide. He couldn't believe that a few minutes ago, Zim was on top on him, but now was below him, begging for the humans touch. 

"Are you sure? I don't want to do this is you're not ready"

"Yes, Zim's sure Dib-human" The Irken said without hesitating, catching his breath. "I’m just afraid the Tallest will find out.. Mating with anyone is treason" He said, conceded. Dib frowned, despising the fact that the norms of Irken society were so limited and controlling. Sex was forbidden?! Isn't that how smeets were made millions of years ago for them?!

Dib recalled a time when he and Zim were paired for a health project in sophomore year about reproduction. At that point, the Irken seemed confused, thinking babies were produced through cloning. The raven haired teen was surprised that after all those years on Earth, Zim had no clue what sex was. Dib questioned him and told him he was dumb for not knowing anything about reproduction. Zim, of course, denied Dib's accusations, saying "Zim knows everything" and proceeded to have a fist fight with him. Two ice packs and some bandaids later, Zim confessed that smeets weren't born the natural way anymore. They were created through cloning, which explained their need for a pak. 

Dib snickered, gazing at the alien who was still grinding up a little, trying to pleasure himself on the human. 

"Zim, you don't need to worry about them. In all honestly, they can fuck off and die. What matters is that you're having fun and feeling good. I want to make you feel good" Dib cooed, looking between the Irken's legs and placing a hand on his stomach, touching his shirt. Zim's breath hitched as Dib began slowly lifting the alien's magenta colored tunic off of him, revealing soft skin that was similar to his face. No blemish, no scars, just smooth, fragile skin. "Is this okay?" Dib asked for confirmation. Zim began shimmying out of his leggings, a wet spot staining the front. God he was so turned on. 

"Yes" Zim finally moaned out. He was tired of their same routine, he was ready for the real thing. He wasn’t even mad at Dib anymore. And even if his pak told the Tallest that he had mated with someone, he didn’t care. Free from all of his clothes, Zim sat back, watching the human gently placed them on the floor along with his trench coat, his navy blue shirt, his jeans, and his underwear. Zim felt a large wave of arousal when he saw Dib's erection in front of him, stiff and ready. He'd searched up human genitalia-well, he'd just watched a ton of porn, so he had a rough idea on what Dib's reproductive organ looked like, but he'd never seen one in real life. To be honest, he was entranced by it. They both stared at each other, looking at their anatomy. Dib’s face reddened. Aliens were always so fascinating, and Zim was no exception.

Zim's magenta-colored member twitched with need, desperate. He watched as the human took the Irken’s dick in his hand, his thumb spreading the small amount of pre-cum at the tip. He heard the alien take a shaky breath. 

Dib made sure to spoil him with kisses, nibbling on his green skin. Whenever Dib bit down, he quickly looked up at Zim as if checking to make sure it didn't hurt him. When he felt the alien urge him to carry on by grabbing a fistful of his hair and moaning, he'd kiss and bite again, continuing. Zim thought it was weird that Dib was being gentle to him like this, especially since they were at each other's throats fifteen minutes before, but he didn't care.

Slowly trailing down to Zim's belly, Dib noticed something strange about his anatomy. He didn't have a navel, and his muscular system was different from his own. He had no six pack, but the muscles were definitely toned. Like he was fit from invader training, but also had some fat on him too. Dib loved it, he loved everything about him. 

The human eventually stopped in front of the pink member, looking at the shape of it. It was quite impressive and very inhuman. It was long for his 5'0 height, and had the appearance of a tentacle. It was thick at the base, and spiraled out into a fine tip. Zim allowed himself to spread his legs, giving him more access and Dib noticed something he didn’t expect to see. Below Zim's dick was a slit, that had lubrication dripping from it. His eyes widened. 

"Woahhh. You have both?" said Dib, looking at the sight in front of him. "Can I... Put my finger inside you?" He asked, his desire growing even more intense when Zim nodded. Without hesitation, he rubbed a finger on the outside of the petals, some of the liquid sticking to his fingers. It was a light pink, like a rose color. The longer he gazed at his hand, the more he wanted to taste it. Would it be salty? Or would it be sweet and sugary? Deciding to disregard the thought, he hypothesized the logistics of the Irken's anatomy. Since Zim had both reproductive organs, that meant that he could bare smeets, but also breed other Irkens. "You're amazing. Absolutely amazing" 

Zim grinned, blushing intensely. "Of course Zim is"

Dib rolled his eyes. He was always so self confident, and that was a trait that the human loved. He wasn't sure if all Irken's spoke like Zim did or were assertive like he was, but either way he was perfect to Dib.

Within a minute, Dib was slipping his fingers inside Zim, rubbing along the wet, sensitive walls. While one hand was busy preparing him, the other was wrapped around the alien's magenta colored dick, pumping up and down. Zim instinctively bucked his hips, the base of his member meeting Dib's hand with each thrust. And boy was he enjoying it. 

"Feel good, spaceboy?" Asked the human, never breaking eye contact.

"Y-yes" Came a breathy reply from the alien underneath him.

Zim was trembling slightly, his antennas moving in all different directions. Dib could only assume it was some reaction to pleasure, but he couldn't be sure. The Irken was always loud, rambling about nonsense. Now, however, he was a whole different kind of loud. His grunts and moans were high pitched, softer. 

Suddenly, Zim cried out, and Dib felt warm liquid shoot between them, getting all over his hands and Zim's belly. Within a few seconds, the Irken's orgasm was over, and sudden panic and embarrassment rose in his chest. He hadn't meant to come that quickly. He was so deprived of touch, that even a couple strokes sent him over the edge. Looking with wide eyes at the mess he made, Zim spoke. 

"Oh Irk.. I-I'm so sorry.. I didn't mean for it to happen so fast... it-it just felt so-"

"Zim, it's okay, don't worry. As long as you liked it, that's all that matters to me" Said Dib, looking at his own erection, still hard. "Did you enjoy it?" He asked.

"Y-yes"

"Good" Dib noticed that the Irken's dick hadn't gone into his sheath yet, which meant he was still turned on as well. "If you want, we can keep going"

"Zim would like that"

Okay. Dib's hand made its way towards the Irken's slit, using his natural lubricants to coat his dick. While the human was doing that, Zim settled into a comfortable position, spreading his legs to give the other easier access. Hands set on both sides of the alien's body, Dib lowered himself on top of Zim, not inside him yet. The tip of his dick brushed against the outer layer of his slit. 

"Is this okay?"

"Yes"

"Alright, I'm going to fuck you now"

"Okay"

With that, Dib positioned himself and slowly slid in. Zim tensed up a little at the intrusion, but tried to relax. His claws clung to the sheets, eyes shut. Dib noticed the Irken in a bit of pain, so he paused.

"You alright?

He shook his head. "Just give me a second" Responded Zim. When he was ready, he alerted the human, and remained calm when Dib started thrusting. It started out slow and gentle, but picked up in speed over time. The pain Zim had felt slowly turned into pure pleasure, and moaned in relief. Planting some kisses on the Irken's face, Dib pulled out, the back in, then out, then back in. Repetitive motions. It was something that was so simple, yet created such a strong reaction. Zim inhaled sharply.

Their rhythm was a little uneven at first. Dib, taking the lead, bit into Zim's neck near the collarbone, sucking the sweaty skin. Definitely hard enough to leave some serious hickeys that would last for a few days. The alien let out a surprised gasp, but never pulled away, proving that he liked it. A particularly hard thrust had Zim completely melted underneath him, sputtering out "yes's" and "oh Irk, don't stop's". Dib moaned back into Zim's antennas, causing them to vibrate a little. If Irken's could get goosebumps, he was sure that Zim was feeling the equivalent to that. Trying to create the perfect friction, he instinctively bucked his hips up, trying to hold Dib’s hips down. The human felt his pre-cum began spilling inside Zim, but he didn't care, he'd waited too long for this. More importantly, he wanted the alien to feel pleasure.

"Touch yourself" Dib commanded, and Zim immediately complied. He reached a three-fingered hand down, grasping his own pink cock and began pumping himself, his face full of blush. Chests flushed together, they made out with vigor until they were a jumble of words. While he fucked Zim, the human mumbled words of encouragement and praise, saying how he was amazing, and felt so good. When he hit a certain spot and heard Zim let out a loud moan, he’d readjust, making sure to keep hitting that spot. There was no denying how good this felt, or how gentle they were being with each other. The bed squeaked slightly each time a thrust was made, hopefully not loud enough for Gaz to hear, but they were being noisy so Dib couldn’t promise anything. 

Two Irken hands wrapped around the human, holding on tight and scratching slightly-a mark that would turn darker later on. Dib embraced it, getting more confident with his movements. He buried his head in the nape of Zim’s neck, loving the warmth emitting from it. 

"D-Dib!" Groaned Zim, clutching to Dib and meeting his eyes. He got more vocal by the minute, a sign that his orgasm was nearing. Warmth pooled in the pit of Dib’s stomach, getting more intense as the minutes went by. 

“F-Fuck, Zim.. I’m gonna-“ With a final thrust and a warning through his clenched teeth, Dib came, gripping onto Zim and biting his neck hard. He moaned loudly near the alien’s antenna. The Irken could feel his insides being filled with cum as Dib was ejaculating, and personally, he loved it. That feeling soon threw the Irken over the edge as well. Dib could tell Zim was climaxing by the way his eyes were shut, his teeth bare, and letting out a long, loud cry. Between them, light pink cum came out in spirts, coming out once, twice, a third time. He felt the Irken's insides contract and almost pulsate, getting every last drop of semen Dib had in him. 

It took a few seconds for them to finish, the Irken’s orgasm being the longest. The human waited patiently while Zim came, his breath hitching. Once the alien’s moans came to a stop and his body relaxed, signaling he was finished, Dib pulled out and gave him a small kiss before flopping onto the bed next to Zim. Both were panting hard. They lay there for a moment in pure bliss, cum still sticking to their bellies. The Irken’s dick retreated back into its sheath, leaving only a slit in between his legs. He looked over at Dib with a smile, about to thank him for the amazing time, but felt himself frown when a drop of blood fell from Dib's cuts on his face, staining the white bedsheet beneath him. Regretting fighting Dib earlier, the alien moved over to his wound and licked it, causing the other to grimace and pull away. 

“Eugh, What was that for?” Said Dib, trying to wipe the spit off his face, but Zim stopped him.

“Dib-thing, stop it-“

“I don’t want your spit on my face you lizard-“

“It’s healing you, you idiot, don’t wipe it off!” Zim finally yelled, and Dib stopped, interested.

“Irken saliva can heal wounds?” Dib questioned, wanting to learn more. No wonder his species were always able to heal so fast! He waited a minute and brought a hand to his own face, feeling no evidence of a scratch anymore. The skin was healed completely. 

“Yes, Zim is quite the superior breed. You smelly humans could never amount to Irken healing abilities!”

Dib rolled his eyes, deciding to shut him up by nuzzling against his neck. The alien’s antennas flipped forward, taking in the human’s scent. A wave of guilt hit him, thinking about how he was still lying to Dib about his invasion. Would he get mad if he told him? Would Dib leave him?

“Zim’s mission was a fake...”

“I know”

Zim looked down, surprised. “What? How did you-“

“You should know by now that I have lots of cameras and technology, and a cloaking outfit to spy on you” 

“Oh.. yeah”

Dib looked over at Zim, his expression soft. “Zim, it’s okay. I.. always kinda knew it wasn’t real, but I didn’t want to force you to say it, so I played along. I wanted you to say it when you felt ready”

The Irken said nothing, his head rested on the pillow, as if he was thinking. Dib waited patiently, still catching his breath. 

“I’m hungry” Zim finally spoke, sitting up. The human began blushing at the sight of Zim’s neck. Hickeys and bite marks were already forming, showing a purple color. 

“I can have Foodio-3000 make something if you’d like” Dib said, remembering that Irken’s diet consisted of sugar and carbs. “Waffles sounds pretty good to me right about now”

“That’s fine, just don’t have your stupid food machine make me any beans. They disgust me” Zim chuckled at a memory from when they were in middle school. Both were having a food fight with each other in the cafeteria, and Dib grabbed the nearest lunch item-beans, throwing it at him. Zim had immediately had a reaction to it, and it caused lots of swelling. He ended up having to go home from school, and rested in his base. Later, Dib checked on him to make sure he was alright, but was hit with yelling and insults. The Irken thought he was victorious since the human went home, but was mistaken. He soon came back with more food, and they had another food fight. It was honestly a fun day.

They lay naked on the bed for a few more minutes before cleaning up. Dib used some tissues on his nightstand to wipe off the cum that was left on their thighs and stomachs, gently wiping Zim’s slit. The Irken blushed at the act, thanking him when he was cleaned. Within a couple minutes, both were dressed. Zim put his messy wig back on and Dib combed his snarled hair, making sure they didn’t look like they’d been fucking. Dib handed Zim his remote for Gir, apologizing for taking it. Reciprocating, the alien apologized for attacking him earlier. When they felt they looked presentable, they made their way downstairs to get some food. As they were heading down the hallway, there was an awkward silence. Deciding to spark a conversation, the Irken spoke. 

“Zim, uh... enjoyed mating with you. It felt really nice”

Dib looked over, his face reddening at the comment. “Me too” He replied, taking Zim’s hand in his. “Now lets go get something to eat”

Everything seemed to be going well for them, until they were greeted at the bottom of the stairs by Gaz, snickering. She had a smirk on her face, a hand over her mouth to try to contain herself from laughing. Both boys looked at each other, eyes wide. Oh god, we’re they loud enough that she heard? Probably. Not to mention, Zim hadn’t put any of his spit on his own neck, so hickeys were visible. Their faces were still red, sweat evident. It was very obvious that they were fucking, despite straightening their clothes and brushing their messy hair.

“You two are disgusting” Gaz said, grimacing. 

Oh shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Jesus, this is the longest one-shot I’ve ever written! I hope you enjoyed reading this! I incorporated a couple of my own headcanons in there, such as the healing saliva.
> 
> Also for some reason I can’t write a one-shot without some angst lmao. Thanks for reading!


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